Miscarriage

Where do you start with documenting something in your life that has made such an impact in your life but yet you have no sentimental reminders?

As everyone knows I miscarried December of 2016 right before Christmas. This was my second miscarriage since having Brooklyn. Our first was in July of 2016 very early at 5 weeks. Decembers miscarriage felt different because it was a rainbow of hope. I was pregnant at my brothers wedding. I was pregnant for Thanksgiving and my birthday. I held this baby for 9 weeks, yes it was still early but it was my rainbow.

July 20th I would of had my rainbow. July was a year mark from the first miscarriage. July was a very difficult month for me! I haven't been myself this whole year and yes I'm silently suffering. I have a lot of insecurities in life and the struggles we have had since December have made it worse.

It didn't help that in July, yes on my due date, I find out yet again that we were expecting another rainbow but this time it was cut short again. We had another early miscarriage at 6 weeks. Yes we have had three miscarriages now right in a row and I think I feel a little broken inside. 

We have been seeing a new doctor as my old one retired and so far we are optimistic that things will turn out okay. We know that we have a plan and can raise some of our babies in the next life. If you see Zach and I just struggling just a little just know our hearts are broken but also very hopeful.